Jesus the Teacher: In my anger . .
This past Sunday, at the Voorhees campus, Pastor Jeff continued in the series “Jesus the Teacher.” Admittedly, I was not at church that morning but I was able to plug into the sermon on the podcast. Love that! As I listened, I took notes, but when Pastor Jeff started talking about anger, I had to stop and rewind. Stop and rewind. Because oh, anger has a big stronghold in my life.
I am a mother of 14 and 12 year old girls. A PRE-TEEN and a TEEN. Yes with all-caps I am “yelling” because that’s all I feel I do lately. It starts first thing in the morning, as I try to get them out to the bus for their 6:50am pick up. When I speak kindly and softly, they don’t seem to get the urgency. I yell again later in the day when they are yelling at each other. So I am yelling at them, telling them not to yell. Yup, hypocrite!
My anger doesn’t just come across when I raise my voice, sadly. It also comes out when I talk low and slow, in a way that my older daughter recently told me made her feel “this tiny big and so stupid, like I can’t do anything right.” Oh my heart. You’d think I would have immediately begged forgiveness but no, I was ANGRY and then said - yup, in a low and slow voice - that if she would have listened, I wouldn’t have had to slow down. When I am angry, I feel my heart beating harder, my face flush, my hands sweat. I can feel my mouth tripping over itself as it tries to rid the poison I feel by passing it on to someone else. But in the process I hurt my precious family, and the guilt and shame quickly follows.
Pastor Jeff reminded us that in anger, we are far from the Kingdom of God. We will always fall short, only Jesus is perfect, but as Christians we strive every day to be in His will, and do His work. I want the Kingdom of God, I don’t want this world. I know as sure as I am sitting here, that with God all things are possible, including me getting a hold on my anger, despite what someone else may say or do. With God, I can control my reaction regardless of the situation. And when I do lose control, I am ever so thankful for forgiveness and grace - which Pastor Jeff said he is talking about next week! Stay tuned!
- Brynn Gutelius